Contemplation
by HK-47 Scarlet
Summary: Hiro contemplates telling his best friend he loves him. Sometimes friendship transcends love, but one can't deny their feelings. What's a guy to do?


"Hiro, you're being weird. You know that, right?"

Hiro couldn't help but laugh as he stood up and walked over to the balcony window, looking out at the night sky as he leaned against the wooden frame. He _was_ being weird; weird enough that Shuichi was calling him out on it, and it was enough to make Hiro laugh. He was laughing at himself, and how ridiculous he was acting. He was always such a confident person with unwavering determination to act on a decision he made on his own. But at the moment, none of that seemed to matter. At the moment, he was reduced to the awkward thirteen year-old he was all those years back, before he became the suave person in high school.

When he had feelings for someone, he would always be able to sort them out and deal with them on his own. Even if he struggled with them for a while, he would always bounce back up and come to a conclusion, then a decision. Well, here he was with a conclusion; he was in love with his best friend.

Now where was his decision? What was he to do?

Naturally, the first thing that came to mind was to push his feelings back into the far reaches of his subconscious where they would stay there until the end of time, which was how long he was sure Shuichi would be hung up on Yuki. However, as time pressed on his feelings grew instead of shrunk; so far, he had been doing such a good job of ignoring them. And he knew exactly why now was one of those times where he found it difficult to simply bury his feelings.

Eiri Yuki and Shindou Shuichi were going through one of their 'breakups'. Now, Hiro knew they never lasted long and that in a few days tops Shuichi would be back in Yuki's arms, happy as can be. But that still didn't stop his heart from convincing his brain that the two were broken up for good. He knew it wasn't true, but his heart would not let up on that silly notion.

Hiro took a deep breath. His mind and logic always prevailed, and it would be no different this time.

"That means a lot coming from you," was all he said in reply to Shuichi's statement. He would have to cool it down on the awkward pauses and the longing stares if he were to do this.

Shuichi laughed, and the sound translated itself as music to Hiro's ears. His joyous laughter was something Hiro would always find solace in; knowing his best friend was happy made Hiro happy. Even if he never got to be with Shuichi the way he wanted, he would be happy. Why? Because Shuichi was happy.

"Hiro," the young vocalist started. "You're really obvious when something is wrong."

At that statement Hiro tore his gaze from the starry sky and faced Shuichi, a thin eyebrow quirked in confusion. Well, disbelief was more accurate. This was a guy who would cry and throw tantrums when he was upset, and Hiro was the obvious one?

"Oh? I am? I didn't realize I was crying." His tone was teasing but he was still serious. Shuichi was an emotional and expressive person, and Hiro had always prided himself on being calm and collect.

Having caught on to Hiro's joke, Shuichi waved his hands dismissively from his spot on the floor. "No. Obvious to me is what I meant. You have a tell." Shuichi's lips then pursed back into a sly grin. "Guess that comes from knowing you for so long."

Hiro couldn't object to that. Maybe he really did have a tell that he wasn't aware of, and Shuichi picked up on it. The guy was naïve but he was not stupid. After knowing someone for so long one is bound to notice certain things.

Hiro felt the curiosity pick at him until he felt he had to ask. Though, at the same time he was a bit apprehensive. He really could not afford to have Shuichi find out about his feelings. "A tell, huh?" he asked bemusedly while trying to remain calm. "And what is this tell, Shu?"

"You get all serious-like," he replied simply.

Hiro's brows raised, the fact that he was taken aback evident in his features. Seeing this, Shuichi started to explain.

"You get really quiet and stare off into the distance, and forget that anyone else is around. You even think out loud."

That last part alarmed him. He hoped he hadn't said anything stupid; he had no idea that he thought aloud!

Shuichi laughed again. "You can't hide it from me. Anyone else, but not me!" Shuichi puffed out his chest in pride and beat his fist against it, though he hit a little too hard, letting out an exclamation of "ow" and rubbing the spot he had hit.

Hiro stared down at him for a few moments, contemplating if now was the time to tell him or not. If there ever was a time, that is.

"So, tell me what's wrong, Hiro." When Hiro didn't respond, he pressed further. "C'mon, I'm your friend!"

The more he thought about it, the more he leaned against telling him. Shuichi had a lot on his plate and he struggled so much to balance it out so he wouldn't go insane. Why would Hiro want to add to that? The complications this could bring were great and would impact so many aspects of both their lives. It could influence the band, Shuichi's relationship with Yuki, and so on. On top of all that, what if Shuichi didn't feel the same way? It could potentially destroy their friendship.

"I'm just worried is all," Hiro replied as he moved over to his bed and took a seat. "You've been awfully mopey lately."

Shuichi stood up and walked over to the bed, taking a seat next to Hiro. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and when Hiro turned to look at him he looked as if he had entered deep into thought. A look of sadness underlined those features, and Hiro once again felt the urge to pour out all of his feelings.

"Shuichi, I-"

"It's Yuki."

Hiro's mouth quickly shut and his gaze stayed fixated on Shuichi. He knew Yuki was part of the problem, he just didn't know what the problem itself was. He stayed silent and waited for his friend to continue.

"It's been so long since I've seen him."

Hiro's brows one again arched as he was left in a state of confusion. "What do you mean?"

Shuichi sighed and threw himself back on the bed as he gazed up at the ceiling. Hiro shifted on the bed to look down at him, waiting for him to answer. "Shuichi," he started sternly. "What are you talking about?

Shuichi's eyes closed and remained that way. "He hasn't come home in three days."

Hiro stared down at Shuichi in disbelief for a few minutes before turning back around and closing his own eyes.

_Three days since he's been home_, he thought to himself. _He can't be abandoning Shuichi, can he?_

"I know he'll come back," Shuichi said softly after a few minutes. "He always does. I just miss him is all."

Hiro found himself turning around to look at Shuichi again, who's eyes were still shut. "How many times has he done this?"

Shuichi turned on his side and looked up at Hiro. "I don't know. A few times."

Hiro sighed in vexation. "Shuichi, are you okay with this?"

Shuichi sat up and stared off to the other side of the room. "As long as he comes back to me, I don't care how long he's gone. I just want him to come back to me in the end."

And that's when Hiro was sure that he would keep his feelings to himself. Shuichi was in love with Yuki and he would stay madly in love with him no matter what transpired between the two. They went through a lot together, survived many obstacles, and faced many emotional trials. Sure, Hiro and Shuichi have been through a ton together, but nothing could compare to the soul crushing, heart wrenching, mind raping experiences the novelist and his friend have been through. They turned a shaky relationship into a solid foundation, and although it seemed as if it would falter at times, it would never fall down.

No matter what.

"As long as you're happy." And he really meant it. So long as Shuichi was happy, Hiro would be happy, because he wasn't empty handed. He didn't have Shuichi's love, at least not in the way Yuki had it, but he had something no one else did; his everlasting friendship that would transcend time itself, and that's all he needed from him.

He would get by. It would not be the end the world. Hiro would be able to deal with his feelings eventually. He didn't want to risk something as precious as their friendship, something he realized he valued more than anything.

He loved Shuichi as a person, but he loved him as a friend more, he realized. Though it would be tough, he knew he'd get through it, he just needed to be Shuichi's friend.

Yes, Shuichi would help him through it. Even if the bubbly vocalist didn't know how he was really helping, he would do so.

Because that's what friends are for.


End file.
